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Lu -



Quote:

When I was in China, before leaving, i never had in mind this would be a "period of celibate" or
never thought "great, i'm going to date exotic"... I just didn't thought a second about a dating
question (just my dad laugh and said "bring us back a nice chinese guy" because as he saw i was so
interested in china he thought it must be an interest in every aspect of china -including chinese
guys. ).

I completely agree with this. When coming to Beijing (5 yrs ago) I hadn't given this subject any
thought. Some friends teased me that I would hook up with a Chinese guy there, and warned me to
make sure I would bring him over and not stay there with him, but I didn't plan ahead for celibacy
or dating Asians or anything. I was more concerned with tickets and visa and the like.

The result was pretty much what the OP wrote. Met a Western guy I liked, he turned out to have a
Chinese girlfriend. I didn't especially like or dislike Asian men, back home I hardly knew any. In
China I got to know some Asian men, and learned to see what shuai is, and got a taste for Asians.
In the end I almost got together with a Singaporean, but then SARS came and we both left.

As to my white female classmates then, one was not available, one didn't get lucky all year (as
far as I know, that is), one sort of dated an African man.

Two years later I went to Taibei, by then I knew about the 'white men date Asian women and white
women are left over'-phenomenon, but it didn't stop me from going to TW, and again, I didn't plan
ahead about celibacy or anything. And there I didn't have any trouble finding 'companionship',
mostly Asian (Taiwanese), but also a white guy, although nothing long-term. I suppose it helps
that I think Asian men can be very attractive, and Taiwanese men are the best-looking Asians I
have seen so far. Too bad they're often not so tall (and I am).

To quote Fangfang again, this was just my case.

And in fact, I think Asian (ok, Taiwanese) men are very protective towards women. Carrying their
bags (even purse), holding doors open, buying them dinner, I rarely get that in Holland, and
frankly I don't like it at all. I'm still strong enough to carry my own purse, and have enough
money of my own to pay my own way, thankyouverymuch. But they mean well, of course.



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mandarinstudent -

Ok, so after roddy cleared up the mess, we have one vote for celibacy and the rest are in favor of
sampling the Chinese fare. I wouldn't have guessed this. Pretty much when I was in the US, if the
topic of asian males came up, the girls would make a face. Maybe the girls that come to China are
a different breed...










Lu -



Quote:

going to China to live in an area with hardly any other westerners. I dont expect to be getting
any action whilst there eh!



Quote:

what the hell am i gonna do over the next few months

I disagree Mandarinstudent, I see two women who ended up sampling the Asian fare, and two who
haven't really chosen either yet, but expect to be celibate. Ask them again in a year or so and
they might have had some action after all.










woshimaeguoren -

Ok, first of all, hello to everyone. It's my first time posting here.

I'm a white female, so here goes... I first went to Taiwan to teach many moons ago (when I was
19). Like all of the other girls here, I didn't think about "companionship." I was thinking about
the adventure, learning Chinese, getting to know a new culture. I was excited by all of those
things and my life was very full - teaching, going on outings with my students. I did get the idea
early on that there were no available waiguoren around, but I didn't try terribly hard to find
them either. It seemed obvious that the white guy-Chinese girl thing was occupying most of them,
so I just stayed out of it. I spent a total of about three years in Taiwan and Asia and this was
true of the whole time I was there. (It wasn't continuous - I went back to my home country for
stretches at a time).

One of my Chinese students, looking back, might have been interested in a relationship. We did
spend time together, sightseeing, going around on his motorcyle, etc. But he was quite a bit older
and I still was very naive about relationships. I didn't give him any sense that I might be
interested (and I wasn't, really).

Now, many years later and single again, I know a lot more about what I'd like in a relationship.
I'm considering going back to teach English in China or Taiwan, but I have had it in my mind from
the beginning that I would probably be alone (celebate) if I did so. It's not that I don't like
the look of Chinese guys, but I don't find that they are terribly interested in independent
foreign women. For whatever reason, that's the reality. And I'm not interested in the more
"traditional" kind of guy either. A good friend of mine (white American) married a Chinese guy who
is very intelligent and has (unique for Chinese) a very American sense of humor. He's a great guy,
but he still has some traditional Chinese attitudes about him that are hard to deal with.

I'm not saying it would be impossible for me to find a compatible Chinese man, but I think it
would not be likely. If I went, I would be accepting my fate - maybe planning good vacations ; )
It's sad, too, because I really want to improve my Chinese and teach in Asia again. I love it. I'm
trying to make this decision and this is a major factor in the decision-making process. Foreigners
(white guys) in China just don't even figure in to the equation. Though I feel like we would have
a lot in common, there is just no way I would want to compete with the whole "rock-star" status
they have with Chinese women. Not really interested in that drama.

So there you go. That's my story.










woshimaeguoren -

Any comments? Did I scare everyone away?










Kiwijes -



Quote:

I'm not saying it would be impossible for me to find a compatible Chinese man, but I think it
would not be likely. If I went, I would be accepting my fate - maybe planning good vacations ; )
Foreigners (white guys) in China just don't even figure in to the equation. Though I feel like we
would have a lot in common, there is just no way I would want to compete with the whole
"rock-star" status they have with Chinese women. Not really interested in that drama.


I think you got it spot on with this Woshimaeguoren!! That whole "rock star" thing is brilliant
and exactly right. I couldnt be bothered with any of that! Plus, i'm not there to hook up!

So I agree. It's not impossible to find a compatible Chinese guy, it's just not something I expect
to happen.

Also, there are only a small amount of western guys. The chances of finding the right one seems
pretty small. You'd more than likely end up "settling". I dont mean that to sound mean to the
western guys (im sure there are some great catches!) but face it, what are the chances that your
dream western guy is one of the 8 in the same town as you?! (Ok, so that's based on a relationship
rather than just a lay but same thing applies!)










roddy -

Still deleting responses from guys . . .










Meng Lelan -

Good job, Roddy, keep it up. I'm sure this thread is working you hard.

On to the point. I was a female foreigner in China. Wasn't looking for anyone though a Western guy
seemed very interested in me (he and I spoke near fluent Chinese). Then a Chinese girl got him in
the end. I would attribute it to the "rock star" status that Western guys have with Chinese
females.

The point of being in China, I believe, is not in "looking for someone", it is about experiencing
China. However I would not rule out a relationship with a Chinese native. At the same time I would
rule out a relationship with Western guys while in China for the above mentioned "rock star"
reason.










woshimaeguoren -



Quote:

The point of being in China, I believe, is not in "looking for someone", it is about experiencing
China. However I would not rule out a relationship with a Chinese native. At the same time I would
rule out a relationship with Western guys while in China for the above mentioned "rock star"
reason.

Well, I don't think "looking for someone" is why any of us go to China or teach in other
countries, however, if you decide to stay for any length of time, you begin to consider these
things. Who likes being alone?

And by the way, I just wanted to mention that I don't think Western guys that come to teach in
China are "losers" particularly any more than Western females are. (I'm referring to a deleted
"guy" post). It's a life/career choice, plain and simple. We all have our reasons for doing it.
Some (like me) were just born curious about the world and have a bit the wanderlust in us. Some
(like me) enjoy the language and the culture, and ok SOME guys might come for the hot Chinese
women. Who knows? If I were a guy, would I use the rockstar factor to my advantage in finding a
mate? I don't know. Maybe I would.
I certainly wouldn't do the Chinabounder thing, though. (Ick) Now THOSe guys ARE losers.










Lu -

To play the devil's advocate: if I were a guy (hell, even being a girl) I would definately use
that rock star-status, to a point. Who doesn't like the attention of many pretty girls (M/F),
especially when at home one wasn't that popular? It's important to be honest, and not deceive any
of those girls (like Chinabounder may have done, but as far as I've read he was clear enough about
his intentions), but apart from that, I don't see something terribly wrong with it.

Meng Lelan: Yeah, usually some Chinese girl gets him :-/ Still, I wouldn't rule out a relationship
with a western guy, even in China. Some guys are just not interested in Chinese girls, and prefer
an independent woman, who also understands their culture, and with whom they can have a real
conversation.












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