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Is it that hard for me to find a foreign boyfriend?!
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reisen -
I am just a normal chinese girl, active and full of sunshine. But sometimes also feel tired and
bored in this huge city. It's just a feeling that my heart lacks and want somebody to accompany
with.
I live in the University area in this city and there're so many foreigners around, i always see
some cute guys walk along the street, but to shy to accost them.
I don't mean that i just want foreigner ones. But maybe because i am just coming back from Germany
and planing to study in US next year. I feel just i am like unacquainted with this city even i was
boren here and grown up here. I had two chinese boyfriends before i went to germany, and had one
friend in germany. I just feel like i really like people from west more.
I don't know what the others think or what the foreigners think about the relationship about
chinese girls and foreign boys. Probably you will think, most chinese girls are just for marrige
or for money or for "mian zi", like a foreign boyfriend makes me cooler than others"
But I am really not like that, i only want somebody to hang out with, talk with,or even soulmate.
I am still too young to think of marrige, and i can study hard to go aboard without depending on
marrige to get a citizenship. And also don't need a someone to help me with my english. don't
think mine is perfect, but enough for communicating.
Actually i also don't know what kind of person i want, but i am just so sure in my heart that i
need a boyfriend and i would like to have one from other lands. Because i think i behave like a
wester girl, and won't stay in this city that long, if we are all just short passing traveller,
and we have the same interests and tastes. This one year must be nice and enjoyable.
I am also totally confused with the foreigners in china. Because some foreign friends told me,
they just want sex with a woman in china but not love. I don't know if it's true. I mean I have no
problem with sleeping, but only for the ones love me and I love. The bars here there are always
many chinese girls.They also want to touch with foreigners, i don't know their thoughts, but i
don't think i'm the same as them and don't want to be thought like them.
It's always a little bit lonly or sometimes maybe when you far away from home.But for foreigners,
Do majority of you only for sex or playing with a chinese girls, or you are also considering a
earnest relationship?
And what do you think of chinese girls?
Is it such hard for me to find such a boyfriend?
Am I too childish and ideal?
PS; I am from Nanjing, if anyone live in this city who is interested in me, please contact me.
Like sending messages in this forum. Or from other citys，we can also talk through skype or msn.
I'd like to know more people and touch different cultures.
Thx, anywhy.
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muyongshi -
Quote:
but to shy to accost them.
I'm sure they all appreciate not be accosted.
Quote:
I am also totally confused with the foreigners in china. Because some foreign friends told me,
they just want sex with a woman in china but not love.
Yeah there are foreigners like this but a very small majority
Quote:
but i am just so sure in my heart that i need a boyfriend
You DON'T need a boyfriend...you need to just relax and enjoy life and learn to be content being
single. There are so many thing that you can't do in a relationship that you can do when single.
Relax and enjoy life! Then in the right time the right guy will come along and you won't have to
try so hard.
yonglin -
If you are interested in meeting foreigners, make friends with them. Don't expect yourself to find
a new boyfriend. If you get to know someone, it might so happen that you fall in love with him,
but the whole "finding a foreign boyfriend"-run seems a bit hasty. Also, you might come off as a
bit desperate, and this would make you seem more unattractive.
Quote:
Because i think i behave like a wester girl, and won't stay in this city that long, if we are all
just short passing traveller, and we have the same interests and tastes. This one year must be
nice and enjoyable.
I'm not entirely sure what this means, but if I interpreted it correctly (something along the
lines of western girls being into the short and sweet), I do feel a bit offended.
gato -
Reisen,
There are many old threads on dating here. Take a look at these two:
http://www. /showthread.php?t=13554
Foreign girls and dating
http://www. /showthread.php?t=19722
Any change for serious relationship with Chinese girls?
I think you are limiting your chances by only considering foreigners for a boyfriend (though you
say you are not). There are only so many foreign boys to go around, and as you said, there is a
lot of competition for them. Sex and love can go together (sex is a form of love depending on your
definition), but yes, most guys are willing to take sex without the love, whether they are foreign
or not.
jonaspony -
Quote:
Yeah there are foreigners like this but a very small majority
A small majority Muyongshi? I think that may be a Freudian slip.
I think your foreign friends are right. In the West, courtship places passion for sex first. Even
sincere men who want a deep relationship will usually follow this way. Then after after a few
weeks they might find they don't really like the girl, or they remember they prefer to be single.
So the couple fights or breaks up. And they go on to look for someone else that is 'just right'.
But I suspect everyone is much the same - they are looking for intimacy, deep friendship. In my
opinion, Westerners are simply less intelligent about it and the way to find it.
As you will be going abroad again soon, you will probably feel unsettled. It will seem meaningless
to make long-term friends. And you seem uninterested in a short-term relationship on Western
terms. While I disagree with Muyongshi about how many foreign men just want sex, that doesn't
really matter because it's up to you to decide. You will meet foreigners of many kinds, but don't
worry about what they want. If you want friendship and fun, then that's the best thing anyone can
want. And if men (foreign or otherwise) don't like it, that's their problem, not yours.
There are men who will want friendship with you. There's guys like Muyongshi and me, but I'd
probably fall in love with you anyway - even if I didn't want to. I think I already have!. Life is
full of such complications. So have courage to do what you think is best, and stop worrying. It
won't be so easy to find exactly what you are looking for, but you can still have fun while you
are looking. Good luck with everything.
coolnicholas -
I don't know how to describe you!! shame
muyongshi -
Quote:
but I'd probably fall in love with you anyway
Are you making an offer to her?
Quote:
I think your foreign friends are right. In the West, courtship places passion for sex first.
With the majority of people I know (including my European friends) it is not this way but hey
maybe I just run in odd circles...
jonaspony -
Quote:
I don't know how to describe you!! shame
What? who?
Reisen... be as idealistic as you want. But just remember few other people are so idealistic.
That's what makes idealism great, heroic and very difficult.
jonaspony -
Quote:
With the majority of people I know (including my European friends) it is not this way but hey
maybe I just run in odd circles.
Hmmm... well that's my experience, and my observation. I have a truckload of Beijing friends that
are out for the sex whether they admit it or not. Those who don't admit it carry on serial
relationships in the Western style: chase, bed, become dissatisfied and leave. I was comparing
this to the more 'traditional' Chinese style of prolonged platonic friendship, in which time I
sort out if I really like someone or am just infatuated. Maybe it's just Beijing.
I wish I ran in your circles, no matter how odd. But I find it hard to believe that the West has
not placed a very high priority on sexual attraction.
Quote:
Are you making an offer to her?
Careful. I think i am also falling in love with you and Gato - well at least with your posts. But
no offer there either, sorry. Cheers to ya both.
YuehanHao -
Reisen,
I could not hope to answer your question, but I will write because I am a Westerner who did marry
a Chinese woman (who had earlier come to my home country). I can understand your preference for a
companion from a particular culture, and came to see an unconscious preference in my own behavior
at that time; although obviously a relationship is ultimately between two individuals -- thus, a
part of the cultural attraction in my case was just statistics, rather than a requirement.
But as was earlier said, I agree you may be ultimately happier to focus on all you have, rather
than what you lack. Maybe sometime in the future, presuming you achieve your objective, you will
look back to now and wish you could recapture the old freedom or some other youthful intangible.
Trying too hard is nearly as ineffective as not trying at all -- not to mention more risky.
Anyway, enough of these maxims -- after all, does anyone really follow advice from an outsider who
can't understand her/him?
约翰好！
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